Jayne Cobb and the Man Beneath
by candyflavordlies
Summary: Jayne Cobb is a complicated man with a filthy mouth and a dirty mind and quite a few redeeming qualities. Series of one-shots revolving around Jayne and his convoluted since of life, humor and justice. Rated T for language/inappropriate topics. No 'ship.
1. Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Jayne Cobb has done a lot of stupid things in his life. This though, this is the absolute number one. Because when a gorram _psychic_ tells you to duck, you fuckin' _duck_.

"Stupid." Jayne glares at the girl in the doorway as he clutches the makeshift rags to his side. It's the first time in a while that he can't think of a thing to say. Instead he grunts.

Simon comes bustling through the infirmary door, all calm demeanor and surgical detachment and Jayne welcomes it. Anything to take his attention away from the haunting darkness of River's eyes.

"What happened?"

"I got shot." Simon gives him a long suffering gaze before he starts to prod gently at the entry wound. The action earns a hiss from the mercenary.

"I can see that." He moves his hands to the back, searching for the hard lump of metal. "The bullet went straight through."

Jayne snorts. "Coulda told you that." The large man has been shot more than enough times to assess his own gunshot wounds. He doesn't need a gorram doctor to tell him anything but when he'll be up and running.

"Stupid Jayne." River is still staring at him, those deep eyes accusing him and he doesn't like it.

"River, I don't think..." Simon begins.

She ignores him.

"Stupid, stupid Jayne." Her tone is somewhere between mocking and tearful. She steps forward, her heavy boots barely registering as she glides closer. "Eyes sharp like a tiger but I can see things even the sky can't. Sheppard to guide the flock to safety, but who, stupid Jayne, will watch over you?"

"I ain't stupid. Watch over myself just fine." River lets out an undignified snort. She flicks her eyes to Simon's hands, the needle and thread piercing and pulling through skin. Glances back to his face. "Says the big bad wolf with his insides on the out."

He knows she's goading him so he clenches his teeth and tries to pretend she's not there.

"You trust me, don't ya?" She says, a perverse mimicry of his accent.

Jayne doesn't like it. Not a gorram bit.

"Girl..." He grinds out. Simon casts him a confused look.

"I ain't gonna let no one get shot. My job is to shoot the bad guys before they shoot us, dong ma?"

It wasn't so long ago that they'd been planet side and gotten waist deep in go se. They'd been separated from Zoe and Mal and there were at least ten armed men between them and serenity. She was panicking, running through a hundred different scenarios, almost all of them resulting in at least one casualty. Jayne was too big, couldn't sneak past all of those men unnoticed. And the Captain, well, he didn't know how to keep his mouth shut long enough to not get shot. She tries to explain this to him in numbers and calculations, explain to him the infinite probabilities but when she looks at him, he's glaring at her so she shuts up and glares back. Once her brain settles and she starts to focus, she gave way to the awe as she stared up at the big bad mercenary.

Because despite what she _knew_, Jayne didn't have a doubt in his mind that he could get her back, get them all back to the ship relatively unharmed. In that moment, River Tam understood something tantamount to the being that was Jayne Cobb. He took his job _very_ seriously. Jayne had a job to do and a promise to keep and personal feelings got shoved under the proverbial rug until it was done. As long as she trusted him, he'd get her home.

She blinks slowly, the room coming back into focus around her.

"The door swings both ways, Jayne Cobb." He opens his mouth to protest, let her know that he doesn't appreciate her tone, or the way his words fall from her mouth, that he doesn't need her damn help and that no, he doesn't trust people. Especially not mind-reading psychics. But that seems stupid, saying as if he had, he wouldn't have a gunshot wound to the abdomen.

The young woman in front of him lets a wide smile take over her face. Jayne scowls.

"Then we are in agreement?" Simon glances between his sister and the ship's hired gun, feeling like he's missed something, like he's standing in the middle of a private conversation.

"I ain't agreein' to nothin'." It's River's turn to scowl.

"Except." He clears his throat and Jayne just _knows_ this is going to come back and bite him in the ass. He clears his throat and throws a sidelong glance at the doctor. He's stupid, but he ain't so stupid to pretend he didn't like the idea of not getting shot every time they went planet side. So he sucks it up and continues. "Except when a gorram feng le pyscho mind readin' genius tells me to duck..."

She cocks her head to the side, a quick look to her brother before her eyes find his again, a slow smirk turning up the corners of her mouth. Her voice is a perfect echo of his and his thoughts as she finishes the sentence.

"You fuckin' duck."

Simon's face is flushed purple as he spins around and River backs out of the room before he can even find the right words. The doctor glares in response to the deep rumbling emanating from the mercenary as he tries desperately not to laugh.


	2. Semantics

A/N: Major (sort of) spoilers for 'Ariel', minor spoilers for 'Our Mrs. Reynolds' and medium spoilers 'The Pilot/The Train Job'. This is probably going to be a two-shot, but not in order.

Summary: When Lawrence Dobson offered Jayne a boatload of cash, his only question was "Does helping you out mean turning on the Captain?" He didn't take the money then…so what changed?

**Semantics**

"Jayne." Mal gestures towards the cockpit. "I'd like to have a word with you." The Captain doesn't wait for an answer, doesn't turn to see if Jayne is following him.

The gruff mercenary takes this opportunity to do a quick weapons count and readjust the holster on his hip before he goes after him.

The tension makes him twitchy as he sits across from Mal in the co-pilot's chair. He knows he's still mad about Ariel and though Jayne knows, for once, that he's the one that's wrong, it doesn't mean he doesn't take this opportunity to be upset about Mal being upset.

He's not stupid enough to say anything though. He's waiting for the Captain to do the honors.

"You know why I brought you onboard this ship, Jayne?" Malcolm Reynolds doesn't look at him, instead adjusting knobs on the dashboard. The bigger man can admit that he's getting nervous. These conversations never went well and almost _always_ ended with him shooting someone. He stays calm, because if Mal wanted him off the ship, he would have spaced him when he had the chance. As it stands, he hadn't so much as mentioned anything about the incident two weeks ago. Fairly confident that he isn't going to die right this moment, Jayne decides to fall back on his natural charm.

"Cause I ain't kill ya." He can see Mal's jaw clench. "And I'm a damn good tracker." He adds for good measure.

Mal takes a very deep breath. The goal today, he reminds himself, is to _not_ shoot Jayne. And preferably keep himself out of harms way as well. He cranes his neck just a little. He takes in the sight of Jayne leaning back with his arms folded across his chest. Notes the pistols on either side of his body, one strapped to his thigh and the other level with his right hand. Takes another deep breath.

He turns the chair so that he's facing his stubborn crew member and sits up straighter.

"It's because," He begins in his best Captain-y voice. "Despite some very convincing evidence, you're not as stupid as everyone thinks. By no means the sharpest tool in the box, but ya ain't the dullest either."

Jayne snorts.

Mal's eye twitches. He forges on.

"And I realize that my initial agreement with you may have left too much room for interpretation."

Jayne's eyebrows furrow but he's at a loss. He says as much. "Got no clue what you're gettin' at."

"You remember my rules when you came aboard this ship?" He says it slowly, as patiently as he can muster and reach across and strangle the man across from him.

"No sexin' the crew, no whores on the boat, 'all clothed, all the time', make sure I earn my keep, do my chores and cookin' an' what not," Jayne is ticking them off on his finger like he's reading from a checklist. "Keep you, Zoe, Kaylee and Wash from gettin' dead, I'm free to leave any time long as I don't break the ship, steal nothin' or shoot no one, don't sell you out...oh and no sexin' in public places!" The man looks damned near triumphant as he finishes.

Mal sighs and grits his teeth because, _gorramit_, Jayne Cobb was too damned smart for his own good. Now that he's settled down, now that he tried to space the double crossing hun dan a few weeks back, Mal can't even bring himself to get angry when he realizes that, on the barest technicality, Jayne hadn't actually broken any of his rules. It's the only reason he isn't floating in the vast emptiness of space. That and the fact that he knows in a very, very loose sense of the word, Jayne thought he was doing the _right_ thing. Getting the Alliance off their backs was a sure way to keep them flying and even if he blamed it on the money, Malcolm Reynolds knew the mercenary better than that. He was a money hungry so and so, there was no doubt about that, but he took his job seriously.

_Keep you, Zoe, Kaylee and Wash from gettin' dead._

...Qing wa cao de liu mang.

Mal remembers very, very clearly, the exact moment in which he said those words to his hired gun. Way back before they'd taken on the rest of the crew and it had honestly and truly never occurred to him to amend it.

Jayne was just too damn smart for his own good.

"Right. Think there might be some things you're unclear on." Jayne settles a little deeper into his chair. At first glance, one could assume that the furrowing of Jayne's brows indicated confusion. Except for the spark behind the ice blue eyes that let Mal know he isn't fooling anyone. "Right," He starts again, rubbing his palms across his face. "You're job is to keep _everyone_ on my crew safe. That means if they've got quarters on this ship, they're part of the crew. Means you raise a hand, gun, word against them, you answer to me, dong ma?"

Jayne stares at him. There's a look there that Mal doesn't like.

"Got somethin' to say Jayne, now'd be the best time to speak up."

"You ain't the best judge of character."

Time seems to go still.

Mal counts to three. He tries - tries his very damnedest to keep calm, but even now, he can feel his hand sliding down to rest on the handle of his

Jayne clears his throat. "All I'm sayin' is, I stick to your rules, won't be long 'fore somebody else come aboard this boat lookin' to put a bullet in ya. Hell, both Saffron and that Lawrence fellow had a place on this ship and we saw how that turned out. Now these gorram weirdoes got Alliance on our ass. Seems to me my job is harder than it needs to be just cause you like takin' in strays."

Mal tenses up. It'd be a cold day in hell before he admits to it out loud but Jayne is making all kinds of horrible sense that he wasn't interested in. He knows that the man is right, that they can't keep taking on travelers. He also knows the minute Jayne figures out that Mal is listening to a word he's saying, he's all but done for. So he puts on his 'angry Captain' face and glares at the man in front of him.

"I'll keep that in mind." He makes sure to add as much sarcasm as possible lest Jayne think he was serious. "In the meantime, I hope that I've made myself clear. You get one free pass Jayne, and you've used yours up. You cross me again and I swear on my kind little heart that I will end you. Dong ma?"

"All clear." Jayne smirks, his posture letting Mal know that he found nothing at all humorous about this situation.

Mal isn't worried about Jayne stabbing him in the back, knows that's not an issue anymore, not with him almost sending the man out the airlock and all.

No, he's worried about the day that Jayne gets to say 'I told you so.'


End file.
